The End of an Era

It is difficult to put myself in a position where I numb my emotions in order to block out all the negative thoughts that overtake my being. I am trying my best to remain present and at peace with myself. As I take a sip of my water times slows down. I think about those days that seemed so far fetched, just a few days ago. One day, when we begin to see the affects of the war hit the United States, we will no longer have convince at our fingertips. Our resources will be cut off. We will be forced to go back to fighting for toilet paper at the grocery stores. Remember that? Grocery store shelves will be empty again. We did not think it would be possible the first time. Now it does not seem so crazy. If the unthinkable happened once, it can happen again.

America will revisit the grievances of loss once more, but this time at an enormous scale. We will no longer be able to hide from reality in the comfort of our homes. I know you think I am a pessimist. But what about those people who have been fighting for a chance to live again, since February 24? Do you think it is fair to them? I am not asking for your understanding, in the bluntness of my words. These are thoughts that I have encountered day in and day out as the feed on my social media apps becomes flooded by war propaganda. It makes me miss what life was like when I was naive. Waking up and doing the same thing over and over again, but always having a sense that tomorrow was guaranteed. I sit and I wonder how life will be like after today. There is no way in hell that things will ever be the same.

Just a few months ago the world was beginning to step into some sort of normality. It seemed like the clouds that hung above us were beginning to clear up. I know there is some people that do not understand or probably refuse to comprehend what is going on in Ukraine because it is not happening here. The sad part about this is that by doing so we are reinforcing the rhetoric many countries have towards our country. I do not consider myself to be greedy or selfish, but when we continue to ignore that so many people are losing their lives, it is fucking selfish. I know when I put my phone down and turn the television off all will seem so peaceful. Silent. But I swear even then the sounds of cries and bombs pierce my ears.

When I close my eyes I replay the videos I casually scroll through durning the day. Those of families having to separate because some members are being forced to fight a war that they wanted no part in. It is a tough pill to swallow when you begin to realize that these things can happen in any country. One day we could wake up and have it all be over us, here. We would fry to our own demise while our government officials get to bunker down with their endless supply of food and water. Sad, is it not?

After twenty-three years of sitting down and observing my surroundings, I have came to realize how fucked up having a little bit of power and money can make you. I never understood the reasons for beginning a war, but it seems to me that it is nothing more than just a financial and power grab. Showing off who has the biggest bomb is not a call for peace. It is easy to begin a blood fest when you are not the one sacrificing yourself.