Imposter Syndrome (Not Today, Satan)

Imposter Syndrome is a feeling that many people in academia experience throughout their time in academia. Feeling like an imposter is scary, exhausting, and embarrassing. It’s waking up everyday and wondering “Am I good enough to be here?”. It’s walking into lectures and feeling like you can’t offer any insights during in-class discussions. It’s turning in assignments and tests with the word “Sorry” written on top. It’s walking around campus wondering “Why are my peers so much better than me?”. Imposter Syndrome is an ugly shadow that follows you around, mirroring your insecurities right in front of you. 

Statistics and quotes would be great to input right about now, but I am actively choosing not to include them. Instead, I will be writing about my own experience with Imposter Syndrome. Sometimes the best writing comes from the place where it hurts the most. This is the story of my pain. 

I walked into my Junior year of college being unsure about my placement amongst my cohort. They had all traveled, read great books, been published, and pursued prestigious internships. Everyone in my cohort at Cal Poly  had spent their Summer doing amazing things for their careers, and here I was. What had I done? Nothing much. I read a couple books, worked a lot, and took two classes. This is where I began to feel like I didn’t belong, and this feeling followed me around for a long time.

I would feel it in class when my colleagues would say fancy words like “juxtaposition” and “dichotomy”. I didn’t know you could just  casually throw around these words! I would feel it when my colleagues would cite theorists, artists, and novels in class and all I would be able to say was ” I…uhh…I think this is what this means”. I would feel it when my classmates and I would exchange papers and I would notice that they had fascinating and nuanced observations, while mine seemed to be surface level. Scary stuff!

So how did I get better? I am not an expert, but I will share my experience, my knowledge, my DIY Imposter Syndrome hacks!

Talk to your Professors. Their job isn’t just to rip apart your papers. Ask them what is and isn’t working. Ask them how you can improve your work. Tell them what you’re struggling with and why you feel that way. Your Professors will more often than not be able to address all of your concerns. 

Listen to your Professors. They are meant to guide you and encourage you. The Professors in our wonderful EML department have created a safe and nurturing environment for me both inside and outside of the classroom.

Don’t do this alone. Befriend your peers and reach out to them when you feel overwhelmed. Chances are, so are they! Complain about the amount of reading. Complain about having to spend the entirety of your weekend searching for sources (true story). Discuss the readings together and share your analysis of certain sections. Burn the MLA handbooks! Surround yourself with a small or large community of peers that share your pain, joy, love, and laughter. 

Take mental breaks.Find something to enjoy that doesn’t relate to school. For me, it’s baking and cooking. 

Do not let imposter syndrome diminish your potential. You deserve to be here. 

This blog post is dedicated to the amazing people who helped me realize my potential.

Here’s to the Professors who sat down and listened to me and advised me. 

Here’s to my bestfriend’s, Sabrina and Giselle who have stood by my side and have never failed to make me smile. 

Thank you.